Old Habits Die Hard
by andersex
Summary: Dan Scott reflects on his life.


Old Habits Die Hard

_**A One Tree Hill One-Shot by Burymeinblack--x**_

**Summary: **Dan Scott reflects on his life and all the choices he's made.

**Rating: **Teen, for language.

**Pairings: **Just Dan and Deb really. With a little Dan/Karen implied.

**Disclaimer: **Mark Schwann owns these characters and Ten Second Epic owns the song in the italics.

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_I'm not the only one  
I know what you're thinking now_

When people look at me I know what they see. They see the man that puts up the mask, the man that pretends to be good when really, he isn't. They see their mayor, the owner of a prestigious car dealership and they see a loving father and husband. However, I'm not really any of those things and I'm man enough to admit it to myself, but I won't admit it to anyone else, not even my wife.

Yes I am a father and yes I am a husband. Yes I love my wife and yes I love my sons, but sometimes, as I'm learning, the love I have for them just isn't getting across to them. I think it's because of the way I express it. I only use my love to manipulate them and to get them to do what I want on my terms. It's my way or the highway, and it took my good son, the basketball prodigal, 16 years to realize that I was an asshole.

_Honestly, your carefree  
life on weekends is starting to tear us apart_

Well; I think he always knew I was an ass. He just looked away and tried to be there for his mother, even though she was never there. Without her around the 'protect' him from me, I was able to manipulate him. You see, Deb never wanted Nathan to play basketball; she wanted him to be 'academic' and all of that polite and courteous shit. But not my son, he was a Scott, and Scott's play basketball. End of story.

Then we have Lucas, Scott son number 1. I actually tried to be there for him, but his bitch of a mother wouldn't have it. In her books money was power, and I sure had a lot of money and power so of course she was threatened. I tried to get him back of course, the Scott basketball line needed to continue, what if Nathan blew his knee out or something? But she wouldn't have any of it and took me to court where I lost on a fucking technicality. Abandonment, hah! She's the one who got herself knocked up and didn't follow me to Duke, whose fault is that?

_Honestly why can't we  
leave the nightlife for the lonely_

Back to the subject of Karen, where most of the story starts, I always wonder what could have been. I was in love with Karen, everyone knew that. But when she got pregnant I freaked out. I was 18 and going to start my career, basketball was always #1 with me, and I couldn't let her stand in the way of that. So I left. I expected she would follow after me but she didn't, she was too 'proud'. Most likely I don't think she really loved me, just the idea of having someone as sexy and powerful as me. I know she still wants me; it's pretty obvious every time she looks at me. Even though she hates me for deporting her old boyfriend, manipulating our son, fucking up Keith's wedding with Jules, and of course the big kicker, killing her future husband. But I won't get into that right now.

_And spend your evening right beside me_

So now I'm at Duke by myself. To be completely honest, I didn't even miss Karen that much, at first. I was too caught up in the idea or playing Pro Ball for the rest of my life. It was always written in stone, I guess. Dan Scott would go to Duke and play pro for the rest of his life. It was how my dad had said it would be and how I knew it should be. But it didn't happen. I didn't bother with school work; I just did what I had to do to stay on the team so I could get picked up for the NBA. But then it happened, I met Deborah Lee.

She was the hot blonde across the room with her daddy's money and her mommy's good looks. In other words, she was 'the belle of the ball'. I wasn't really interested in falling in love, but if I was going to have any fun at this school besides basketball, I would need to date someone. So I chose her and eventually she fell in love with me while I fell into her bed. Now I won't say that I didn't feel anything for her, because I did. It just paled in comparison to what I had felt for Karen.

_and when the drinks go down too fast  
you slow down baby._

Our team is down by 1 point and I'm at the 3 pointer line, ball in my hands. I run through the other players in the court and I jump up…and in the basket the ball goes! We win the game but when I came down for my landing my leg slipped out from under me and I tore my knee to pieces. My dad was so disappointed in me, but for some reason it was like a blessing. I could go home to Karen and our baby and maybe everything would work out after all. I finally felt that everything would be okay for once in my life, but of course, something else had to happen.

_Its time to come clean_

Well of course that didn't work out, why wasn't I surprised? People wonder why I'm so mean and evil, well if you had a past like I did you would understand now wouldn't you. Deb was pregnant, how great is that? Not. I told her I was leaving and she told me she was pregnant, so of course I stayed with her, it wasn't a hard decision. Deb had money and her parents had money and we would be having a child. Yes I loved Karen but she had no financial security. I could learn to love Deb; it wouldn't be that hard…would it?

_I'm not the only one  
I know what you're thinking now_

I raised Nathan the best. Well at least I thought I did. Apparently it wasn't good enough for his mother when she ran off with some business partner of hers to have a steamy 6 weeks affair. But of course she came back, they always come back. I know that she came back from Nathan and I also know that somewhere deep down she knows that she's stuck with me, forever. But who got the last laugh? I did.

Deb wanted a divorce after 16 years of marriage and she wanted to take my son. Note how I say my son and not our son. So of course I told him that she abandoned him when he was little and guess what? My plan worked! My son was back with me in the pool house, but not for long unfortunately.

The dumb shit went and got emancipated. His stupid bookworm slut of a girlfriend told him how to do it and of course he did and he moved out on his own into this small crappy apartment and he had to get a job. A Scott working a job? It was putting shame to the family name! But he had to one up himself, he got married.

_Honestly, think clearly when conscious feels unconscious  
and black and white perspective turns to gray_

People always say I have no heart. I guess I proved them wrong when it stopped beating while I tried to sign those divorce papers. I guess I owe a lot to that old ticker of mine; it got Deb back, eating out of the palm of my hand at my every command. I also got back Lucas, the new good son, after his brother fucked his life up royally. Too bad I had to act all nice for so long after the heart attack, it was killing me. But on the bright side, I won Lucas' sympathy, and I tricked him into spending time with me and actually thinking that I cared about his well being.

But he and Karen's elf of a boyfriend caught on to my ploy, I tricked them into thinking I was money laundering, even though I technically was. But the boy pulled one past me; he got my actual log book. However the hell he got it I'll never know, but he was stupid enough to give it to Deb. Since she actually loves me and all, she gave it back. Stupid, stupid, stupid family. Never give the smoking gun to the murderer! I burnt it.

_Honestly, sleep soundly but while you  
Fall asleep I'm leaving  
So enjoy all the things you're dreaming_

Memories of the dealership fire still haunt me to this day. I always thought it was Boozy who had tried to off me, guess I was wrong. The memories were always pretty foggy. I could remember the powder on the tip of the bottle and I could remember the intensity of the flames around me as the bottle fell to the ground and I fell with it, the note still in my hand.

"**For all that you have done"**

When I read it earlier I thought it was congratulatory. I never even realized that it could be a threatening kind of thing.

Later on the memories started coming back, especially at the end of summer party that I happened to walk into by the pier with my scotch. I saw Lucas and that girl, Hayley, and they were walking by a bonfire. That's when I remembered that Lucas had been there. But it ended up turning out that Lucas was the one who had saved me and that Deb had been the one to kill me. But I thought it was Keith…I was so sure.

There was a surveillance tape that I saw after I had become mayor, of the liquor store. Boozy was there buying the same type of liquor that was on my desk during that fire. I had him arrested but they couldn't hold him because there was no evidence to charge him with.

But before I continue on with Boozy, let me get back to Hayley and all the havoc she wrecked.

_And when the drinks go down too fast  
You slow down baby_

Hayley James. Ah she's a fascinating story to tell, it's one of my favorites actually. Girl is best friends with boy's brother. Boy gets tutoring from girl and Boy and Girl fall in love. Boy and Girl get married and then Girl leaves Boy for scrawny musician to go on tour leaving Boy behind in a drunken haze, which I like to call Boozy II. __

She accomplished the one thing Deb and I had been trying to do for months, she broke them up. However, when she left, Nathan was set on self destruct. He was drunk all the time and apparently he was suicidal, considering he purposely ran a race track off the track and into the wall. However, Hayley came back. They got back together and got married again and he knocked her up.

_It's time to come clean_

Back to Boozy. I killed him. I killed my older brother, Deb's brother in law (who she had slept with!), Nathan's uncle and Lucas' surrogate father. To say the least, they weren't too happy. But at first no one knew it was me who had done it.

There was a kid at the high school with a gun, Jimmy Edwards was his name. Nathan and Lucas were both trapped in the school with the shooter and as Mayor I had to be there. Boozy was there with Karen and when he found out who the shooter was he wanted to go in. So I let him go in and I followed him. Lucas came out carrying Peyton, Nathan's ex-girlfriend and Lucas' on again off again girlfriend, while Keith walked in and tried to talk Edwards down. But he failed, and the Edwards kid took his own life. I saw the gun next to his body and I saw Boozy leaning over him, crying.

"He's gone, Danny. He's gone"

I ignored him and picked up the gun, he stood up. I pointed the gun at him. He looked confused. He opened his mouth to say something and I pulled the trigger.

I hated him. He had tried to kill me (or so I thought) and this was revenge.

_I'm not the only one  
I know what you're thinking now_

_  
_It didn't hit me until we got to the funeral and I realized that I had killed my own brother. I vowed to change; I would change, for my own sake and everyone around me. My son was getting remarried and Karen was pregnant. I knew I could do the right thing this time around; I could help her with this baby to make up for not helping with Lucas. All was going well until the day of Nathan and Hayley's wedding when I was visiting Keith's grave before the wedding. I saw Deb and even though she had a restraining order, she didn't leave. I told her that I was glad Keith was dead, considering he had tried to kill me, and she left.

The wedding was…well it was good for most people. It angered me because Nathan could do so much better. Hayley would never make a good NBA wife, he should know that. But he didn't appear to care, for them it was all about love. After the wedding Deb cornered me. Apparently it was her who had tried to kill me. But she walked away before I could say or do anything. I had tried so hard to be good, but I lost the battle.

_You hate what you don't know_

Someone found out. Someone knew that I had killed Keith. Lucas found out and then he told Nathan and Karen. My life was spiralling out of control and I didn't know how to fix it, if it could be fixed. Lucas tried to kill me, he had the gun and he was pointing it right at me. If Karen hadn't have collapsed, he would have killed me. Karen had her baby, Keith's daughter. I did what I felt was right. Old habits may die hard but I wasn't going to let this one ruin anyone else's life.

I turned myself into the police. I went to jail willingly, to the shock and surprise of everyone in the town. Their Mayor, The Prestigious Daniel Scott, legendary basketball player, was a murderer. Just another title to add to the list. The worst was when Karen came to visit me, she was so vengeful. I finally realized that I was an asshole and I didn't deserve her, not now and not before when I had first had her. She deserved better, they all deserved better. It's too bad it took being imprisoned in a jail cell and losing everyone I loved to change me.

_It's just a matter of time for you_

For everything I had done. The statement was right the first time, I didn't deserve to live. But apparently I didn't deserve to die quick and be free of my suffering. I tried to die, I tried so hard but I failed. I, Daniel Scott, failed. Again.

I always said I hated failure, and I guess it makes sense. Considering that my whole life has been one big failure after another after another.

_I'm not the only one  
I know what you're thinking, now._

**AN: I REALLY hate Dan Scott. But the Season 4 finale changed my opinion on his whole character. During the first four seasons really, he had always been an ass and showed no remorse for the things he had done. But in the finale he seemed truly sorry, and I almost felt sorry for him. ALMOST.**

I don't know if the thoughts in this one-shot are totally believable, but I tried to put myself in his mind frame, no matter how unsettling it may be. 

**Please Read & Review. I would truly appreciate it.**


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